


I gave up

by SophieDem



Category: ALL OUT!! - Amase Shiori (Anime & Manga)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 18:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10196144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieDem/pseuds/SophieDem
Summary: After a few days Keta left the rugby team, he still has his doubts. Did he make the right decision? A friend comforts him.





	

At first, it seemed like a good decision.  
In fact, he felt so proud of finally convincing himself and making it. He had never been the brave and adventurous type who was constantly searching for new challenges. He had been always afraid to dive into the deep water… Holy cow! At times, was he even scared to put his toe into the clear pond of opportunity! It was rather difficult to move him out of his comfort zone but Keta Yuuto didn’t feel guilty about it. He felt content living his life with his family and he didn’t feel the urge to change it whatsoever.  
Living in a tegument was nice. Warm. Safe.  
If it had been that great… Why hadn’t he stayed there?  
Why did he have to tear the shell he had been living in and take a peek outside? Why did he have to make that bold decision and join the rugby club? Why did it seem to be such a good idea at first? Why didn’t he hang on? Why was he so weak? Why him? Why… Why… Why?!  
Keta buried his face into his hands. Teardrops humified his long fingers and sad sobbing came up from his throat. He was sitting on the porch in the back of their house and dusk already approached the town. Everything was painted grey and navy in the distance and the first crickets began their night-long concerts. Keta was one of the shadows and he was glad no one was around. He didn’t want to be seen.  
He still remembered when he told their captain, former captain, that he is sorry. He remembered the devastated look on Sekizan-senpai’s face. The betrayal. The utter sadness.  
And he was the one who had caused it.  
Keta bitterly cried out again and híd his face into his knees. He felt so much pain and dissapointment. Sobbing shook his strong form and the tears didn’t want to stop. He never cried this much in his entire life. He made the decision to quit so why is he so sad and empty? Why the so many tears? Why…  
’Yuuto?’ The boy’s eyes snapped open.  
He looked up, startled. In the dim light of the garden lantern he noticed the familiar figure of his classmate and good friend, Abe Yusuke. Abe seemed to be confused as he stepped out of the house into the night.  
’A-A-Abe-kun?’ Just like Iwashimizu’s long lost brother, Keta stuttered while gazing up at the other boy.  
Abe Yusuke was Keta’s old friend whom he had met at middle school. They were the same age and Abe-kun was similar to Keta both on the inside and outside. They were tall with a firm built and strong muscles but neither of them knew about the power and potential they had in themeselves. Abe was a type of person who would rather chose to stay in the background and observe things than to interact with other people. This fondness of solitude and peace brought the boys together and made them good friends. They understood well each other and they didn’t have to talk all the time. It felt nice to have someone to sit in silence and both Abe and Keta cherished those moments.  
Despite the boys being good listeners, they didn’t actually talk about their inner feelings. It was an unwritten rule between the two and they never mentioned even a word about changing it. In fact, they didn’t feel the need at all. Perhaps it was their tendency to hide and bottle up the pain they carried within.  
That is why Keta never told Abe about the rugby club.  
’What’s wrong? Are you crying?’ Abe took a seat next to his friend who tried to wipe away his tears.  
’I am not.’ Keta sniffed but Abe could not be fooled that easily.  
’Yuuto…’  
’How come are you here?’ The former rugby player tried to pull himself together. ’Who let you in? You don’t usually come this late.’  
’Yuuto… your mother told me.’  
’Eh?’ Keta’s coal eyes grew wide.  
Abe was staring at his lap. His dark green orbs beared something deep, something sad, something painful. A barbed wire tied around Keta’s heart.  
’Your mother… She let me in. Actually, she told me to come over and talk to you. She knows we get along pretty well.’ Abe shut his eyes quickly and formed his hands into knuckles tightly.  
’Yuuto, I saw you practicing with that sports club.’ These words made Keta tense and a knot started to form in his lower abdomen.  
’Yuuto?’  
Keta couldn’t bring himself to look at his companion.  
No…  
That can’t be…  
’Yuuto…’  
’You… saw me…’The former rugby player’s voice started to shake. ’Saw me with… them… Sekizan-senpai and the… others…’  
He felt panic and sorrow climp up in his throath.  
’Those bulky guys, yes.’ Yusuke rubbed the nape of his neck. ’Though, I saw some skinny guys as…’  
The tears came back and slowly started to fall onto Keta’s lap. It couldn’t be helped but he didn’t even want to stop them. What would be the point anyway?  
’Yes, those bulky… and skinny guys.’ Yuuto mumbled, still refusing to look up at Yusuke.’They were… really cool.’  
The other boy just eyed him without words, feeling helpless. Hairlines opened slowly in his heart.  
’Especially the captain. Yeah… he was really cool.’  
Keta didn’t know why all of these emotions bubbled up in him. but he couldn’t care anymore. He didn’t want to protest, he didn’t want to fight. He knew Abe might be now dissappointed in him because he saw a completely different side of Keta. Yuuto knew Yusuke was used to the calm and reserved Yuuto, not the broken and pathetic Yuuto. He knew Abe now might despise him, judge him, realize how he had misunderstood him till now but he wasn’t able to do anything. Only the sorrow and pain existed in this entire world. And hate. The total and utter hatred towards himself, only his own self. Because with every and each sob he perceived how weak he was.  
He was the one who quit. He was the one who didn’t endure. He was one the one who wasn’t good enough. He was the one who was definitely and totally… useless.  
He was the one who was a failure.  
’They were cool and I was not.’ Yuto didn’t even know if Abe was still there. He just wanted to get rid of the pain that was tearing him apart. ’They hang on and I didn’t. But I wasn’t able to eat and I wasn’t able to sleep. My grades dropped because every practice was so hard.’ He shook his head in shame. ’I always feel tired but I wanted to keep going because everyone is so nice. We never talk but they are so nice. And I left them.’  
Yuuto buried once again his face into his hands.  
’They are so nice and I gave up and left them…’ He slowly felt a hand touching his back.  
Keta’s heart broke at that moment.  
’Abe-kun…’  
’You gave up.’ Abe’s words were only a whisper.  
The backyard was quiet and the spring wind silently whistled between the trees.  
’And you did leave them, Yuuto. On the other hand, you are not at fault.’  
Keta’s hands clenched on his jeans at these words. How cannot he be the one at fault?  
’I gave up!’ Yuuto snapped and looked up Yusuke. ’I am a failure and could have…’  
’It is ok, Yuuto.’ Abe was smiling sadly at his friend wo was in pieces. ’You can’t always be strong and sometimes you give up. But you know, buddy, that is fine. You are not less just because you give up.’  
’I could have endured more… I betrayed the captain…’  
’I am pretty sure he understood you.’ Yuuto looked at Yusuke who was gazing into the pitch black distance. ’Your mother told me you were falling apart, that your health was at risk. She told me you often had gone to the bathroom after meals and later told her you were fine.’  
At Keta’s surprised face Abe gave him a meaningful look.  
’Rugby was, in a way, harming you, Yuuto.’  
’Harming me?!’ By the second time within that night, Keta did something he had never thought would do.  
He snapped again at his friend.  
Rage was boiling in him and even though deep inside he knew Abe-kun was right, he still refused to believe the truth. Rugby gave him a sense of belonging. He could feel part of something greater, bigger than him. Thanks to rugby he didn’t have to be alone anymore. Yet, he pushed it away. What would Abe-kun know at all?!  
’Yes, harming you!’ Now it was Yusuke’s turn to snap. ’Not only you, your family as well! They are worried about you, you know? Your mother sounded really concerned when she called me and even your father asked me to try to speak to you. He didn’t know why you were getting more and more quiet and sad. And me as well.’ Yusuke eyes softened. ’One time, when I was going home I saw you practicing. You never exactly told me what sort of club you were in but at first, you seemed pretty enthusiastic when you mentioned it. Despite that, later you became more and more gloomy. You rarely talked to me and that hurt. I thought something terrible might have happened.’  
Yuuto just stared at his lap, miserable.  
’Yuuto.’ Abe sighed and put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. ’It’s not your fault.’  
’I let them go. I betrayed the them.’ Yuuto looked up at Yusuke with tears again in his eyes.  
’They don’t hate you for it and you didn’t betray them. Just because you left doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes letting go makes your life better and you wiser.’ At these words Keta cried out and híd his face into his friend’s T-shirt.  
And just like the captain a few days ago, Abe Yusuke put his firm hand onto Yuuto’s dark hair and hugged him.

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously miss Keta and wish he had more screentime but life is so cruel. I think he has a lot of potential and after he left the rugby team, I'd like to believe he found an other club he enjoys and made tons of friends. <3


End file.
